


Waffles

by gleefulmusings



Series: Tickle My Fancy [4]
Category: Glee
Genre: Angst and Humor, Gen, Male Friendship, Mild Language, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-14
Updated: 2012-03-14
Packaged: 2017-11-01 22:32:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/362004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gleefulmusings/pseuds/gleefulmusings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Kurt and Puck have a long overdue chat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waffles

Kurt stared at the outside of the restaurant, his face fixed in absolute horror.

People _dined_ here?

He could only imagine they somehow had been coerced into doing so.

He immediately noticed at least three probable health code violations, and he had yet to reach the front door!

His nose scrunched. What on earth was that noxious odor? It smelled like burned meat and...and oppression. Or like Finn's bedroom closet.

"I need to lie down," he murmured, hand clutching his stomach.

This was worse than the time his father had told him that they were going to the Nordstrom in Cincinnati, only to end up at the local Wal-Mart.

Kurt gave a despairing sigh. He had been so hopelessly naive when he was five.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," he whispered under his breath, shaking his head. "I took a sacred vow when I was seven never to enter this alleged place of business."

He shuddered slightly and then forced his mouth into a sneer. He would not be stopped by the legions of unwashed massed which patronized this establishment nor the staph infection he was sure to contract as a result of this visit. He was Kurt Hummel, and he could do anything.

Squaring his shoulders, he nodded to himself and began to strut toward the entrance. Calmly removing a handkerchief from the pocket of his blazer, he used it to open the front door and stormed inside, his eyes narrowed in search of his party.

"Welcome to Denny's. Can I help you?"

Kurt automatically flinched at the appalling grammar, but gave points to the speaker for her conciliatory tone. He repressed a sigh.

"Yes, please. I'm meeting someone for breakfast."

"Your party's name?"

"Noah Puckerman."

Her eyes lighted and she giggled maliciously. "Oh, so _you're_ Puck's Mystery Date. I thought you'd be prettier."

Kurt's eyes widened at this egregious insult and scoffed. "I am certainly not his date. I'd rather swallow glass, which, I suppose, might happen, depending on what I order here."

Her eyes narrowed. "He's around the corner, third booth on the left," she said coldly, with a tilt of her head.

He nodded. "Thank you," he said, before swiftly taking his leave, "and might I add that your Lee Press-On nails are particularly attractive, especially their dark red color. Did you paint them with virgin's blood? I wouldn't be surprised. It goes well with your designer imposter body spray. Pity I'm not a smoker, else I'd have a lighter handy."

He then stomped away in the direction she had indicated, leaving her gaping and struggling for a retort. Kurt suddenly felt so much better about, well, everything.

He barreled towards his target and gracefully plopped down on the bench.

"Noah," he said briskly, nodding a greeting. "I am here, as I said I would be. Please explain what is so important that we couldn't discuss this on the phone, or preferably through an interpreter fluent in Neanderthal."

Puck smirked. "Good to see you, too."

Kurt huffed and waved a dismissive hand. "Yes, yes, it's lovely to see you. How is your mother? Your sister? Your dubious hairstyle? Are we all caught up, then? Excellent."

Puck rolled his eyes. "Christ, Hummel, will you chill the fuck out?"

Kurt growled low in his throat, and Puck's eyes widened in response. "This is not a meeting between friends, Noah. Just tell me what you want so that I can leave and head to the nearest decontamination shower."

Puck gave him a hard look. "You really do hate me, don't you?"

Kurt startled and blinked owlishly. "I don't hate you," he said slowly, his surprise at the turn of the conversation evident, "but, no, I don't like you."

Puck nodded. "I don't blame you. I wouldn't like me either, if I were you."

Kurt was incredulous. "What is this about?" he demanded.

"Why do you call me Noah?" Puck asked, turning evasive.

Kurt, thrown, shook his head slightly to clear it. "It's your name," he said blankly.

"But you never called me that before, not even when we were kids. Why the change?"

"I'm not sure," he finally confessed, exhaling loudly. "If pressed, I suppose I would argue that I no longer see you as just Puck."

Puck leaned forward, so slightly that Kurt almost missed the movement. "Why?"

Kurt was surprised, and not a little wary, at the tinge of desperation in the other boy's voice. He shrugged it off. "Noah, why am I here?"

Puck sighed. "I fucked up. Again."

Kurt raised a brow. "How?"

Puck picked at his cuticles and sullenly glared at the jukebox in the opposite corner. "Made out with Berry."

"I know."

"You do?" asked a floored Puck. "And you came anyway?"

"Curiosity has always been one of my vices," Kurt replied, shrugging. He paused briefly. "Your message sounded as though you really needed to speak with someone. I don't know why you reached out to me, but I'd like to think that if the situations were reversed, you'd have shown up."

"I would have," Puck said immediately. "Maybe not before, maybe not even a few months ago, but I would now."

Kurt nodded. "I thought as much. Do you want to talk about what happened?"

Puck nodded slowly, staring down at his curled fists.

"Then I need some coffee," Kurt said, flagging down a waitress. "I suppose I'm willing to risk possible food contamination for the sake of your well-being."

The corners of Puck's mouth quirked up in what was perhaps the most genuine smile Kurt had ever seen from the boy.

 

* * *

 

"How much do you know?" Puck asked, after a healthy slug of orange juice.

Kurt delicately sipped his coffee before replacing it in the saucer. "More than I would care to, I assure you."

Puck was silent for several moments. "Aren't you on Finn's side? You're brothers now."

Kurt raised a brow. "And your relationship with Grace is always rainbows and kittens?"

Puck snorted. "Point taken."

"To answer your question, I am not, in this instance, on Finn's side."

Puck's eyes widened. "Really?"

Kurt nodded. "Truly."

"Why not?"

"I'm not on anyone's side, Noah. This doesn't involve me, and I actually feel quite sad for those it does. What Rachel did was wrong, yes, and she never should have involved you." His eyes narrowed. "Along those same lines, you should've known better than to go along with it. I expected more from you."

Puck nodded guiltily, and Kurt was surprised to see a slight blush staining the other boy's cheeks.

"Finn, however, instigated all of this by covering up the fact that he slept with Santana," Kurt continued. "Yes, Rachel falsely confessed to sleeping with Jesse just for the sake of hurting Finn, which I in no way condone; however, she also later admitted her lie."

"How did you know that?" Puck asked.

"Finn told me. When he did, I encouraged him to tell Rachel that he had, in fact, lost his virginity to Santana. As usual, though, he ignored my advice."

"I'm just shocked as all hell that Satan didn't crow about it when it first happened. Normally she sends out mass texts," Puck said.

"There was nothing about which to crow," Kurt said waspishly.

Puck raised an eyebrow.

"Of course she told me," said an exasperated Kurt. "She's one of my best friends, Noah."

Puck's mouth fell open. "No fucking way."

Kurt smirked and nodded. "Way. It's not something we publicize, and we probably wouldn't admit to it unless threatened with Chinese water torture, and perhaps not even then, but we're quite close."

Puck couldn't help but stare.

"Their encounter was unremarkable," Kurt prattled on, "and while her recitation of the facts almost compelled me to shove pencils into my ears, I felt bad for both of them. Santana, for whatever reason, feels she needs to extend sexual favors to control herself and others, while Finn learned the hard way that sex without love is ultimately meaningless."

Puck didn't have much to say about that and averted his eyes.

"I understand why Rachel was so hurt and why she acted out," Kurt added, "but to do what she did, and with you of all people, was masterfully cruel. I was truly surprised you participated in such a farce."

"Yeah, well, I do stupid shit all the time and don't even realize it's stupid until it's too late."

Kurt nodded. "So was it about hurting Finn, hurting Rachel, or hurting yourself?"

Puck raised his eyes and stared into Kurt's own.

"You're not that deep, Noah," Kurt said, smiling to take some of the bite from his words. "It's not terribly difficult to figure you out." He sighed. "I've never understood your relationship with Finn. You seem to bring out the worst traits in each other. I don't believe it's a simple matter of jealousy, nor can it be easily dismissed as opposites attracting or birds of a feather flocking. Honestly, I have no idea why you two bother to interact at all. It brings neither of you any measure of comfort or peace."

"Like Jones does for you?" Puck asked knowingly.

Kurt glared for a moment before giving a slight nod. "Good one. It's no surprise, I'm sure, that my relationship with Mercedes has been rocky of late."

"Because of Dalton?"

"Because of Blaine."

"Ah. She finally figured out that you being gay means you actually want to date boys?"

Kurt waved a dismissive hand. "It's not just that, but it's a large part of it."

Puck nodded and dropped the subject. "Do you think Finn's right about me? That I'm just a douche?"

Kurt's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. "Noah, please ignore anything Finn says unless it's about which condiments go with which lunchmeats. He's not right; he's self-righteous."

"What's the difference?"

Kurt snorted. "If anyone has the right to judge you, it's me, not Finn. He was in a committed relationship with Rachel and lied about his sexual history. That's wrong. I could say many things about you, and, in fact, I have, but I don't believe you would do something like that."

Puck scoffed. "Why bother? Everyone knows my business."

"Because you put it out there," Kurt countered. "But if you were to pursue a serious relationship with a girl, would you lie deliberately about something so crucial?"

Puck thought about the question for a considerable amount of time. "I don't think so," he finally said. "At least, I hope I wouldn't."

Kurt nodded. "Finn is not an innocent in this, and despite how he's painted the picture, he knows it. He's embarrassed and ashamed, and, as usual, he seeks to blame others for his own failings. Santana certainly didn't force herself on him. No one made him lie to Rachel." He paused. "And I'm sure we've both noticed the attention he's been paying Quinn lately."

Puck's eyes flared with indignation. "I thought I was the only one who saw it!" he exclaimed.

Kurt shook his head sadly. "We both know what will happen, and there's nothing we can do to stop it. Hopefully Quinn will insist on birth control this time. Unfortunately, I believe Sam will find himself in the position Finn was in last year, only this time, Finn will have engineered it."

"So Hudson will do to Evans what I did to him," Puck mumbled, "and probably won't take any responsibility for it." He shook his head. "Evans is a good guy."

"He is," Kurt agreed, "and he deserves better than this, but it's out of our hands. If you tried to discuss it with him, he'd think you were jealous and attempting to undermine his relationship with Quinn. I don't know Sam very well, and I don't consider us friends, so I don't believe a warning from me would amount to much. Regardless, I feel badly for him."

"What happened with that whole duet thing?" Puck asked. "When I got out of juvie, people were talking about it, but no one really knew the score."

Kurt sighed, gripped his coffee cup in both hands, and stared down into its contents. "Finn interfered," he said quietly.

"Well, let me put on my Big Surprise Face!"

Kurt laughed, and Puck appeared considerably cheered that he had accomplished such a feat.

After a little prodding, Kurt confessed the details and everything Finn had said to him, as well as how his own father had sided with Finn.

Puck looked thunderous. "You know that's bullshit, right? I don't know Evans well, but he wouldn't have agreed to sing with you if he didn't want to do it. I can't believe you fell for that."

Kurt squawked.

"Oh, come on, Duchess. You really can't see what Hudson was trying to do? He didn't want you to sing with Evans because he was either jealous of you singing with another guy, or he was jealous of his new friend singing with a dude who wasn't him. It had nothing to do with who's gay or what people would say or whatnot. What the fuck would people say, anyway? It's not like it was an open competition. Unless someone from the club blabbed, who would know?"

Kurt stared at him, feeling quite stupid for not seeing through Finn's rather pitiful ruse.

"What did he think would happen?" Puck continued. "You and Evans would sing some Air Supply song and make out in the middle of the performance?" He smirked. "That probably would've been hot," he mused. "Might've given Hudson some idea of how to kiss."

"You're obnoxious," Kurt hissed, fighting the blush crawling up his neck.

Puck cocked his head and considered the other boy. "Do you like Evans?"

Kurt gave a diffident shrug. "I don't even know him, Noah, but I believe what you're really asking is whether or not I'm attracted to him. The answer is that I find Sam to be very attractive, but I also know he's straight. I'm not going down that road again."

"Because of Fairy Potter?"

Kurt snickered, but quickly sobered. "There's nothing romantic between Blaine and myself. He's a friend and nothing more. If something happened later down the line, I might be interested, but I might not be. Right now, it's just nice having a friend who also happens to be gay. Besides, he's really not my type."

"Is Finn your type?" Puck softly asked.

"No," Kurt said. "Whatever feelings I once had for Finn were ones I manufactured to fit my idea of the person I wanted him to be, not who he actually was. Looking back on my behavior, I'm mortified. I certainly don't blame Finn for being uncomfortable around me."

"He was an ass," Puck said. "He never told you no or to get lost or anything, like he would've if you were a girl. He certainly didn't have a problem running to you every time he got butthurt over something or to dump all his problems in your lap."

"True," Kurt said slowly, surprised that Puck had known that Finn had indeed acted in that manner, "but that doesn't excuse my pursuit of him, either. I knew he was straight. I knew I was slightly unhinged in my approach toward him."

Puck sucked his teeth. "He told me about the thing in the basement. He was a total dick to you. I don't know how you stand to be around him. Of all the shit I put you through, I never called you that word."

"No, you didn't," Kurt quietly agreed. "You did far worse to me."

Puck gave an exaggerated blink and stared at Kurt. "What? What do you mean?"

"I don't think we should get into that at this time," Kurt said. "I shouldn't have brought it up. Let's discuss something else."

"No," Puck said stubbornly. "I want to discuss _this_ right now. How could I have done anything worse than what he called you?"

Kurt gripped the table with both hands, so hard that his knuckles turned white. "Fine," he said eventually, after releasing a long, slow breath. "Finn wasn't the first to call me that, Noah, and he certainly won't be the last. I admit that it hurt - a lot - coming from him, but I know that what he said was mostly out of fear and confusion; and, yes, anger. No, he hasn't sufficiently apologized for it, because he doesn't even understand why he said it or why it hurt me as much as it did."

He looked up and stared into Puck's eyes. "But you did. You terrorized me from the time we were six years old, Noah. You humiliated me at every opportunity. You gossiped about me to our classmates. You insulted my looks, my voice, my clothes, my grades, and my parents. I will never forget when we were in third grade and I heard you whisper to Matt that my mother probably died to get away from me."

Puck drew in a sharp breath and looked away.

"And I believed that. For a very long time. I blamed myself for her death, not the cancer. It took me years to get over that, and I don't know if I ever fully will, because, thanks to you, there's always a little voice in the back of my head that hisses that perhaps it was true, that she died because I was so awful a son."

He held up a hand to stave off the interruption he knew was coming. "But that's not the worst of what you've done to me. You may have never called me that word, Noah, but you called me gay for as long as I can remember. You called me gay before I even knew what the word meant, before I even realized that it was applicable to me. It was from you that I learned that being gay was wrong, something dirty, something of which to be ashamed and to hide from others. You taught me self-loathing."

"Kurt..."

"I'm not finished. You opened this can of worms, and I've waited a long time to say these things. You will do me the courtesy of allowing me my piece. You owe me at least that much."

Puck nodded miserably and stared down at the floor.

Kurt cleared his throat. "I don't know what I ever did to you, what I ever said, that could explain why you hated me so much. I can't tell you how many nights I lied awake wondering, wishing I could go back in time and stop myself from doing whatever, as well as what I could do to make you leave me alone. You turned entire grades against me. Any friend I ever had, you drove away because they were too afraid they would be made to suffer the same abuse, and make no mistake, Noah, that's exactly what it was.

"You have no idea how much you've hurt me, and I don't mean just physically, but let's talk about that for a minute. Every single day, you hit me. Whether it was a punch, or a kick, or throwing me into a dumpster, you made it your mission to inflict as much pain on me as possible without getting arrested for it. I lost count of the number of bruises and cuts and scrapes and sprains you've caused. And, for the longest time, I felt that I deserved them. That, for whatever I did or didn't to you, that whoever I was or might become, was so objectionable, that I deserved to be hurt."

Kurt gathered in a shaky breath. "Do you know why I never wear shorts, Noah? Why I never undressed in the locker room? Because my thighs are covered with scars, ones I made, because all of those nights I sat up, wondering why you despised me, I would cut myself to relieve some of the anger and shame."

"Oh, god," Puck choked, gagging on bile as his hand flew up to cover his mouth.

"I'm not telling you this to hurt you," Kurt said softly. "Truly, I'm not, and I'm not blaming you for what I did. I'm telling you this because you need to understand that your actions have consequences, and long-lasting ones, at that. Because of you, I have never felt safe at school. I've never turned to teachers for help, because they saw how you treated me and they never interfered, and I knew they never would."

Kurt rolled his neck. "What I'm about to tell you, no one else knows, and I would appreciate it if you didn't spread it around."

Puck nodded. At this point, he would do anything Kurt told him to do, including jumping off the nearest cliff.

"The real reason I left McKinley was not because Karofsky was harassing me."

Puck's brow furrowed.

"He was sexually harassing me."

Puck stilled and all the blood drained from his face. "What?" he croaked.

"One day, it just got so bad that I couldn't take it anymore," Kurt said. "I followed him into the locker room and demanded he tell me what his problem with me truly was, because I believed that he, like you, was just scared of what he didn't understand, when the truth was he understood all too well." He paused. "He...he grabbed me..."

Puck felt as though he would vomit at any moment.

"And he kissed me," Kurt finished. "I was horrified. I was so shocked, I didn't know what to do or say, so I did nothing, which only served to encourage him. When he tried to kiss me again, I pushed him and he ran away." He closed his eyes. "I was so scared," he whispered. "I was terrified. If he had wanted more, he could've taken it, and there was nothing I could have done to stop him. But it didn't end there. He began stalking me. He threatened me. He groped me whenever he had the chance. He stole the cake topper at my father's wedding. He was so fearful that I might tell someone, he threatened to kill me if I ever did. And I knew that he meant it."

Puck trembled violently.

"So I didn't tell anyone," Kurt continued, "because I knew that either they wouldn't believe me, or they would think that, because I'm gay, I deserved it."

"And you thought that because of me, because of how I treated you," Puck whispered.

"Yes."

Puck cringed.

"Because of you, I flinch whenever I hear a locker door slam. Because of you, I tremble when anyone touches me. Because of you, I shut my eyes whenever I see someone with a slushy in their hands. Because of you, whenever I see a balloon, I automatically think that I'm about to be doused with urine. Because of you, whenever I see a boy on the street, I immediately cross to the other side or seek out a group of people.

"Because of you, I hesitate to answer my phone. Because of you nailing my patio furniture to my roof, I realized that I'm not even safe in my own home."

Kurt calmly picked up his coffee and took a long drink before setting it back down, ignoring the fat tears streaking down Puck's cheeks.

"You may never have called me that word, Noah, but you gifted me with a legacy filled with self-doubt, self-recrimination, second-guessing, and physical and emotional pain. You, Noah, taught me how to fear."

"Oh, _fuck_ ," Puck whispered, turning to stare out the window.

"You have no idea how difficult it was for me to come here today, to a place with which I am unfamiliar, to be alone with you. As it is, I texted Tina, Artie, Blaine, and my father with the time and address, in case I didn't make it home."

"Oh, Kurt," Puck warbled.

"None of that," Kurt said. "I came because you needed to talk to someone, and if you were reaching out to me, I knew that it was serious. I'm now able to differentiate between Puck and Noah. Earlier you asked me how I managed to do this. Well, it's simple.

"I watched Noah very carefully last year. I watched as Noah lost his best friend and the girl he loved because of his own selfish choices. I watched as Noah made his penance and tried to make up for his mistakes, clumsily perhaps, but with a sincere effort. I watched as Noah did the most unselfish thing anyone could possibly do: give up his child so that she would have a better life."

Puck turned back, his eyes filled with such sincere, aching sorrow, but also with hope.

"When Finn told me what happened with Rachel, I knew that it was Noah who had erred, not Puck. I knew that it was Noah who regretted, probably instantly, what he had done. And I knew that it was Noah who texted me last night. That's why I came. Because I'd like the opportunity to get to know Noah, and I believe Noah can be a good man if he just gives himself the chance."

"I don't know how," Puck whispered, shaking his head.

"You start by making the conscious choice to be more than you were. You accept the fact that you will, on occasion, fail. No one is perfect, Noah. The most you can expect from yourself is to do your best. You make yourself a promise that you're going to be a better person. You can't make that promise to anyone else. You sincerely have to want to change. And if that's what you want to do, then I'm happy to help you in any way I can."

" _Why?_ " Puck asked beseechingly. "Why would you do that for me after everything I've done to you?"

"Because I forgave you a while ago."

"You can't!" Puck cried, frantically shaking his head. "I don't deserve it!"

Kurt shrugged. "That's not up to you. That's _my_ choice, and I won't allow you to take it from me."

"I think I've taken more than enough," Puck hissed sharply.

Kurt smiled. "Puck would never have realized that, but I knew that Noah would. That's why I can forgive Puck, because with each passing day, I see more of Noah than I do of him."

He hesitated, and then reached out to cover Puck's hand with his own, surprised when Puck grabbed it and held on tightly.

"And Noah is someone I'd like to call my friend."

Puck swallowed heavily and nodded. "Can I kill Finn for you?"

Kurt laughed. "Maybe later." He grabbed a menu with disdain. "Do they serve waffles here?"


End file.
